Sunday, 19 October 2014

Autumn leaves...

I love Autumn, the cold kissing your skin in the morning when you leave the house, the leaves turning shades of red and yellow before carpeting the ground in crunchy piles you just want to jump in. Autumn brings out the slow cookers and dreams of warm riching foods. Away go the summer dresses and sandals, and old favourite chunky jumpers and luxurious long boots stand proud waiting to be worn. I love autumn.

I hate Autumn. The colder weather bringing on the pains and stiffness I get in my joints and muscles. The slippy leaves and damp pavements, waiting to catch me out. Autumn brings in the darker days, the longer periods of bleakness and darkness. The never ending fireworks and the feeling of heaviness sets in the mind. Things seems dull and tinged with grey and the lack of flowers and the bare trees make it all look stark. The SAD appears and life becomes a challenge. Getting up isn't as appealing and you know winter is waiting to grab you in its icy embrace, to drag you further down.  

For me it also brings around my birthday. And then there is Christmas. It's hard to look forward to either when every day is a battle. I do it though. I get up and give myself a firm talking to. I stare into my eyes and challenge the depression to try and beat me. Not today. It won't beat me today. My mask might slip, my words might come out as harsh or blunt, but life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. I mark each night as a success. I've done it again. I'm still here. Just bring it on, I'm not ready to stop and lie down yet.

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