Tuesday, 31 December 2013

May old acquaintance be forgot..

I was tempted to forego writing about this year,but that would kind of defeat the object of having a blog where I plan to be honest, mainly to myself more than to anyone else.

After realising I need to accept it have limitations, I had hoped that this year would be different.nalas, it was not. I didn't get the help and support I expected from certain medical teams and professionals and learnt that people are rather eager to write you off, be it in a medical or a personal sense instead of asking what can be done to make things easier. I have let go of some friendships, as I don't have the energy to fight a lost cause, and sadly these things can reach a point where they go no further. Saying that, I have also  strengthened others, and forged new friendships, which I feel are just going to go from strength to strength. I've dealt with some truly spiteful people, spines cowards and those who don't seem to realise what a negative effect they have on others, and to them I wish them the best. To those who I drifted from, I'm sorry; to those I've learnt are always there, I love you, to new and old, I wish you well.

My health has decided to throw me some massive curveballs, with me nearly landing in hospital with serve complications due to an error with my diabetes care,plus the never ending appointments, loss of medical teams and also actively seeking out help and support myself, I can't remember the last time I went more than a week without seeing one form of health professional or another. It won't be any easier in the coming year, but it will be different. How do I know? Because this time, I have taken the reins and I am in charge if my health. If I'm not happy, I'm changing teams. If I want a second opinion, believe me I will hunt it down. I know I will never be fighting fit and pain free, but I will do all I can to be as "normal" as I possibly can. In the last 18 months, I've gone from someone who was pretty active, losing weight and gaining definition - to someone who isn't allowed to swim more than 15 mins as my body is so out of whack. I've gained weight I fought to lose, and gone through my own personal hell. Yet, I'm a fighter, so I'm not ready to just roll over and give in.

2013 also saw my brother get married to his teenage love. It meant I got to dress up and feel pretty normal for one day, and it was worth. 

I also had my heartbroken as my darling greyhound was diagnosed with cancer and died a matter of weeks after. Sheila was everything to me, and the void has been hard to deal with. Whenever I crashed, she was the one who loved me without making me feel bad, or guilty that I might have done too much. After hospital days, she would find me and pin me down for cuddles until all my stress went away. Dogs are magical creatures in my eyes, and she was immensely special to me. So many times I've woken in agony, and wanted my girl to come snuggle up, but then it hits me. 

2013 has had some amazing highs too, don't get me wrong. I met some amazing people, got my gorgeous feather tattoo and realised I have a strength in me that no one can ever take away. I've seen wonderful things in the theatre, visited exhibits and seen bands play. I've been a big kid and played on the swings, I've been to zoo, drunk fantastic cocktails with beautiful girls and started to learn to love myself. I've started my own website, met wonderful deviants and erotic writers, cried and laughed more than I can think about, but most of all, I've made it through another year.

Here is to the next one.

Happy new year xx