Tuesday, 31 December 2013

May old acquaintance be forgot..

I was tempted to forego writing about this year,but that would kind of defeat the object of having a blog where I plan to be honest, mainly to myself more than to anyone else.

After realising I need to accept it have limitations, I had hoped that this year would be different.nalas, it was not. I didn't get the help and support I expected from certain medical teams and professionals and learnt that people are rather eager to write you off, be it in a medical or a personal sense instead of asking what can be done to make things easier. I have let go of some friendships, as I don't have the energy to fight a lost cause, and sadly these things can reach a point where they go no further. Saying that, I have also  strengthened others, and forged new friendships, which I feel are just going to go from strength to strength. I've dealt with some truly spiteful people, spines cowards and those who don't seem to realise what a negative effect they have on others, and to them I wish them the best. To those who I drifted from, I'm sorry; to those I've learnt are always there, I love you, to new and old, I wish you well.

My health has decided to throw me some massive curveballs, with me nearly landing in hospital with serve complications due to an error with my diabetes care,plus the never ending appointments, loss of medical teams and also actively seeking out help and support myself, I can't remember the last time I went more than a week without seeing one form of health professional or another. It won't be any easier in the coming year, but it will be different. How do I know? Because this time, I have taken the reins and I am in charge if my health. If I'm not happy, I'm changing teams. If I want a second opinion, believe me I will hunt it down. I know I will never be fighting fit and pain free, but I will do all I can to be as "normal" as I possibly can. In the last 18 months, I've gone from someone who was pretty active, losing weight and gaining definition - to someone who isn't allowed to swim more than 15 mins as my body is so out of whack. I've gained weight I fought to lose, and gone through my own personal hell. Yet, I'm a fighter, so I'm not ready to just roll over and give in.

2013 also saw my brother get married to his teenage love. It meant I got to dress up and feel pretty normal for one day, and it was worth. 

I also had my heartbroken as my darling greyhound was diagnosed with cancer and died a matter of weeks after. Sheila was everything to me, and the void has been hard to deal with. Whenever I crashed, she was the one who loved me without making me feel bad, or guilty that I might have done too much. After hospital days, she would find me and pin me down for cuddles until all my stress went away. Dogs are magical creatures in my eyes, and she was immensely special to me. So many times I've woken in agony, and wanted my girl to come snuggle up, but then it hits me. 

2013 has had some amazing highs too, don't get me wrong. I met some amazing people, got my gorgeous feather tattoo and realised I have a strength in me that no one can ever take away. I've seen wonderful things in the theatre, visited exhibits and seen bands play. I've been a big kid and played on the swings, I've been to zoo, drunk fantastic cocktails with beautiful girls and started to learn to love myself. I've started my own website, met wonderful deviants and erotic writers, cried and laughed more than I can think about, but most of all, I've made it through another year.

Here is to the next one.

Happy new year xx

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Project October; The food chapter..

So, its officially October. I decided on a whim at the end of September that October was going to be my month of change. No Stoptober, no sober October, but Project October instead.

Today I'll talk you through the food chapter of my #projectoctober. I have a funny relationship with food. It isn't a bad one per se, I'm not one of those who eats a million takeaways, crisps and shit and complains I'm fat but don't know why, but I know I could eat better. Leaner. I sat down and decided what changes to my diet I was going to make. Each person would differ. Some might decide to abandon all carbs, others to ditch meat for a month perhaps. These are my changes. I wouldn't think for a moment to try and force them on others.

    • Planning; I cannot stress how much this helps me. And how important it is as it will be the one thing that keeps me fromk drifting too far off course. I sat down on Sunday and drew up my menu, my shopping list and even dotted in random things like breakfast and snacks. I am normally the kind who wakes and goes "Meh, simple and quck" and it can lead to me beiong a bit of a tit and choosing something I can eat on the run whoc can lead to my poor diabetes going "Seriously?! what the fuck woman". Those moments need to stop and this way I have no excuse. I have a wonderful library of books to hand, plus the actual library and the internet. This means my diet wont feature the same 4-6 meals which leads to boredom and it going awry at the first hurdle.

    • Portion control; Such a simple thing that we all slip up on. I actually measured out my porridge the other day and was surprised at how much 30g dried actually is. I struggled to eat it all, yet you can show me a steak and I'll sod the recommended size. I'm paying attention to what is the recommended portion in carbs and fats and in some cases feel cheated, in others feel utterly spoilt. I'm not exactly starving to death here. 

    • Increase the use of wholemeal/wholegrain carbs; I don't gorge on the things, but I do eat carbs. I mean, you won;t find me eating a whole loaf of toast (unless I am beyond pissed off my nut and ravenous, but I haven't been seen doing that for a decade now..) but I am a fan of a lovely toasted product with butter. So, out has gone the typical white bread for me, and in comes malted seeded stuffs. I prefer multiseed as it takes longer to break down and I always feel more satisfied on it. When it comes to pasta, I am doing a simple swap with the healthier stuffs, slowing the sugar spikes that white pasta can bring. My rice is no longer just simple white basmati. Wholegrain rice and wild rice has been added to the mix. I'm a rebel, me.

    • Increase Pulses, whole grains in diet; Hello Kidney beans! Bonjour flageolets! It's autumn, the soups and stews are appearing. I may as well make full use of this and add a few different legumes to bulk out dishes and keep me fuller. I quite like trying new things and adapting recipes, and this way I can do so without causing too much damage to the waistline.

    • Decrease the naughties; I won't lie. I have a thing for the decadent side of food. I love a good quality chocolate bar, a freshly baked good (be it by my own hands or others) and can be tempted by the sweeter side of life. I don't go mental and eat a 500g bar in a sitting, but I can demolish marshmallows if left top my own devices. So, out of sight, out of mind. The fizzy drinks have been swapped with green tea based cold drinks, the coffee is decreased and the herbal teas upped. The sweet craving? Frozen grapes are my solution, plus the odd nectarine. Fruit is seriously high in natural sugars, so can lead to my diabetes kicking up a fuss, so my fruit intake has often been limited due to this. It's all about balance.

I'm not going to bore any readers and list everything I've done on this front, but this way I can look back and see what I chose to do, and it gives anyone else an idea of possible things. My ProjectOctober is my way of taking things and making them better for me. On the food front, I've actually had some fun this week, and at the weekend I plan to be a photo bore and bomb you with some things I have made this week. As you do.

Monday, 30 September 2013

The Blog; The Blogger

I am a girl who often starts projects, and in time they fall to the wayside, forgotten and forlorn. I've decided this pattern happened as I always tried to focus too much on one element, therefore felt that certain ramblings and such didnt fit, so they weren't going to be written. This was stupid. Very, very stupid. So, I have decided to try again. As you do.

Before, I've had blogs dedicated to food (mainly) but this time I want it to be a bit of most things. I say most, because there are some thoughts and such that really shouldn't be shared with a trillion strangers on the internet and that could possibly lead to a truly theatrical downfall, or just leave you going arse over tit and making a twat of yourself.  This is another of my little spots in the blackhole that is social media and blogging, and this time I will try and do it right. (what is right by the way, I dunno).

I guess I could start with a "HELLO THIS IS ME" kinda thing, but thats not really my style. I'll do that in fits and starts, and over time this will shape up to be some sort of semi decent blog. I Hope. What I will say is that it wont juwst be about food, even though I do an awesome food blogpost. It'll also be a bit about my conditions, the stuff I live with and go through, to help me understand what I have, let alone anyone else, but if it spreads awareness, then in my eyes its a good thing. There will be talks of films, books and music, of days out and days in. Good stuff and bad. As I said, my little corner of the infinitive space that we call, the web.

The next 31 days I will be embarking on what I have called #ProjectOctober.
 You what now? I hear some mumble. I have decided that seeing as my birthday is looming *coughcough25Novembercoughcough*  that I want to take a month and focus on a project. Me. I am my own project. So what does it entail?
  • Food; Glorious, wonderful, nutritional food. I have messed about with most diets on the planet, and like a vast majority I end up failing and walking away. I will be doing a proper post about this aspect of it in the near future.
  • Feelings; Sounding hippy like yet? I don't mean I'm going to psychoanalyse myself, but I am going to focus on how things make me feel, and if I'm unhappy, do something about it.
  • Finances; Hello pretty pennies, oh. Bye pretty pennies. This sucks. Big time.
  • Fitness and Fatigue; Will divulge in depth soon. Maybe.
I'm not planning on becoming a bore and cutting out everything in life I enjoy, but perhaps evaluate. I like a good evaluation in the evening. Especially if wine and music can be involved.